Category: Blog

Flying Solo

I’m out of Hidden Magic, and diving into Clear Design. Things weren’t wrapped up as neatly as I would have liked with my departure, but it went relatively smooth.

We have a few clients out of the gate. That’s exciting, and I’m looking forward to making this company into something I’m proud of. Nishi will slowly be coming on board over the next few months, in a greater and greater role until we’re equal partners in business as well as life.

We’re looking at vehicles. We need a good truck, and a good sedan. I pretty badly need a new laptop. Nishi needs a divorce. We have a lot of large expenses that we’ve put off for a while, and it’s about time to make them happen. I’m excited!

Goodbye, Wilson

Wilson at Grey Fox
My dad bought this truck in 2004. It quickly became mine, though never officially. It was never given to me, but I started driving it everywhere and it seemed to fit. I named the truck Wilson.

We had great times. Wandering aimlessly, wandering purposefully. I camped out in the bed of the truck, I got cozy in the cab. I’ve laid on the cap gazing at the stars. I knew this truck very well.

It was sad to see it go, but it’s been equally sad to see it sitting for so long without use. That truck deserves to be used. He had reached a point in his life where rust and age caught up to him, and I couldn’t sink required funds into a vehicle I knew would only get worse.

He went out on the front lawn on Sunday afternoon, and was gone by Sunday evening. $500 is a fair price for a vehicle requiring as much work as he does. I only have fond memories of Wilson, and I’m sure he’ll never be forgotten. I knew him well.

Rashan

Hidden Magic Consulting consisted of Jack, myself, and a guy named Rashan. Jack does development, I do design, and he does marketing/sales. On Friday we fired him.

He’d been funny about money in the past, and about two weeks ago Jack was ready to cut ties with him. I felt strongly that we were better with him than without him, and thought we could use that occasion as an opportunity to set some ground rules. We set some ground rules. Thursday morning he withdrew the balance of our business checking account, claiming it was what he was owed. He’s been a nightmare since.

Jack and I scrambled all Friday to inform our clients and secure our digital assets and accounts. We sent a repo man to collect the company car. Rashan locked it in a barn. It’s really a chapter of our company that we’re eager to put behind us, but it threatens to linger for a while.

Principles

It looks like I won’t be learning exactly what I was hoping I would at this new gig. The shop uses Joomla, a CMS long left in the dust by most of the development community. It’s going to take me a while to learn it before I can even skillfully design for it. Le sigh. It’s a job.

Designer

It is spring now. We had some fleeting glimpses earlier this year, only to have our hopes dashed by day-long snow storms. But it’s no longer a tease – as of today there is no snow left on the ground.

I had been feeling pretty down last night. It’s been a while looking for work, and things weren’t looking great. Being in the position of needing a job, and needing training for a better job is not an enviable one. Last night, I was seriously considering a survey call center position I’ve seen in several places recently. The hours and pay suck, but I’m sure they would hire me.

This morning I fired off an email to a position doing web design in Rocky Hill. I got a call ten minutes later, and we moved forward. I now have a job doing web design where I’ll be able to keep learning and advancing my skills, while not having to compromise on the pay. It’s idyllic, and I know I’m going to need to work my ass off to earn my keep. I’m ready to learn. It’s time to sell out hard. This is the only marketable skill I have and I need to squeeze it for all it’s worth.

Spring

Today is the first day that really feels like Spring. Though there is still about two feet of snow on the ground, and the pathways are still covered with ice, the air is warm and the sun is shining. This reminds me of ski trips with my dad up in Vermont. I haven’t needed a coat outside today, and Charlie hasn’t needed his sweater.

I love winter, but this change in weather has really brightened my mood. There are a lot of activities I need warm weather for, and I’ve been unable to do them lately. That doesn’t have to be the case forever, but it is the case right now. And right now, I feel light and carefree.

I’ve made my choice

For many years now I’ve struggled with which direction to take my life – devote it to service of others, or keep my life to myself. I’m going with the latter. I don’t want my self-worth to be tied to what others think of me, and that’s the metric I would use if I was a public servant. I’m going to do what makes me happy, and I’m ok with that.

It’s no surprise, really. I’ve spent much more time thinking about this kind of a life than the alternative. Back when I was in college I was doing the math on how to live on as little as possible (figures that I still use daily). I still want to retire by the time I’m thirty. I still think it’s possible.

I’ve been looking for work for about two months now, without much luck. I have a plan, and I hope I can realize it. I’m looking for a part time job, close to home, that pays a reasonable wage. I’m sticking by my usual “no sales, no retail” rule. While I work this throw-away job to make ends meet, I’ll bone up on my front-end developer skills. I’m good, but I’m just hobbyist good. To get hired doing Web Design I’ll need a few more tricks up my sleeve. I can learn this stuff fairly quickly, and if I stick to this plan should be ready by this time next year.

If I can stay on top of my game, that’s a profession I can do from anywhere, and pays very well. I think I can be happy with that, as well. It’s a better option than going back to school to learn a trade which would take more time and money. My self-esteem has been pretty low lately, and the thought of working at a crappy part time job for a year doesn’t really help. I’ve gotten to where I am right now by striving for the big picture, and I’ll only reach it if I keep dreaming big.

This is the plan. I’m gonna make it.

Rough Start

2015 is off to a rough start. Our January is complete with vehicle malfunctions, scarce employment, and escalating health issues. Of course, all of these things will be remedied, but it’s still rough when they all pile on at once.

Nishi had been having more and more back issues lately, and hasn’t been able to lie on her side for a week or more. It reached a point late Friday night (it’s always on weekend nights) where we had to do something about it. Down to Middlesex ER we go, to see what they can make of it.

Nishi had been laying in bed prior to our trip, and hadn’t changed out of her pajamas. Since the air outside was under 20°F, she wore her fuzzy winter hat with the little ears on top. This apparently alarmed the ER receptionist, who talked to Nishi while I parked the truck. Moments after I get inside, we’re whisked back to a room where Nishi is receiving more attention than she has ever gotten in the ER. I’m asked to stay outside, and they proceed to get her changed into a hospital gown. This is all new to us, previous visits had been very straightforward, but we go along with it. The nurses changing her quickly discover there’s been a bit of an error. They were getting her ready for a psych evaluation.

Our running theory is the hat was to blame.

We did get to see the ER doc, and Nishi is feeling better. Mark came over today and pointed me in the right direction so I can get another car running. It all comes back together eventually.

Puzzle Pieces

I really wanted to make a note of this as well before I forget.

I took great pleasure in the placement of a humidifier over an air vent in the floor. Being winter, and much of our heat coming from the wood stove, our air is really dry. When I remember, I try to run a humidifier so we’re mostly comfortable and don’t wake up in the morning with cotton mouth.

Our humidifier can run on high, but should really be placed on some elevated surface so moisture doesn’t accumulate on the ground. The general rule of thumb is that if you turn it up high enough that the water vapor starts to drop back towards the ground, it’s up too high.

The only place in the bedroom that would work is the ironing board, and no one wants to keep that out all the time, so it usually sits on the floor. This mostly means that we can’t crank it up as high as it can go, and we get less moisture in the air than we otherwise could.

Today, I placed it right next to the air vent in the floor which lets the dry air from the wood stove come up into the bedroom. I was able to turn the humidifier all the way up and watch the vapor flow up into the air. These little synergies give me great pleasure.

Behind

It’s officially been a month since I ordered the stovepipe for the bus. The manufacturer has been behind on some parts due to an increased demand, and we’re stuck waiting. Presently, we have all but one piece in our possession. That is all that is holding back the stove installation. It’s frustrating.

I’m feeling behind in many different parts of my life. I feel old, but not experienced. I feel like I’ve missed out on something essential. There are these common cultural experiences people share that are totally foreign to me. I’ve never reveled in my role as an outsider, but I don’t enjoy the mainstream either.

I keep wondering about the hair on my head. Would I be more attractive with less or more hair on my head? My face? It grows in so slow any decision is a major commitment. As it is, it’s all so unsatisfactory. How is it I still have acne while my hair starts thinning?

I’m sure a lot of this has to do with my lack of an occupation. That’s a really appropriate word, since not only do I not have a job, I’m struggling to fill the hours during the day while waiting for this last piece of stove pipe. It’s funny how a few days of doing nothing can so easily lead to weeks of it. I keep dreaming up new projects to occupy myself, but get distracted or disinterested when I realize the scope is grander than the pipe project presently paused. I guess I’m going to keep going through phases of boom and bust.

I do miss writing like this. I frequently compose journal entries while brushing my teeth, but go to sleep never writing them. Unfortunately, I’m not usually in quite as reflective of a mood earlier in the day – this is the prime time. I’m reading Cloud Atlas at the moment, along with Nishi and the other members of our book group. It is told almost entirely through journal entries and correspondence, which has (tonight, at least) compelled me to write.

From what I can tell my fear of missing out isn’t by any means unique, and it doesn’t seem like there will be a point where I’m not familiar with it. I guess I need to learn how to live with it.

Good night.