Tag: restless

I spend most of my time out in the garage. I can be loud at all hours, and it doesn’t disturb anyone. It also means that each night I have to walk back from the garage to the house to go to sleep. It can’t be more than a hundred yards, and lasts under thirty seconds, but every time I take that walk I think about being somewhere else. I get to look up at the sky after staring at a page or a screen for hours. I’m pretty familiar with where the constellations sit above the trees at various times of the night. I’m probably at the point where I could ballpark the time just by looking up. I imagine that instead of walking to my house, that I have no destination, and I’m on the side of a road somewhere just as quiet as my neighborhood. And all there is to do is to walk until I feel like stopping.

I want to be gone so badly. I have no reason to stay here.
I’m sedating myself with movies and music and books, and it’s not working.
I’m this close to just starting walking.

Interesting feelings being back. Not especially disappointed that the bus is in Nevada – I know I’ll be back with it soon enough. Definitely happy to not be moving. Both Ali and I were getting tired of the constant onward push. It really is too much. Three months in the bus is nothing – I would happily do it for ten times that. The constant pressure to move is what takes the fun away, and makes it far too exhausting to keep up.

And I would still prefer it to this: the summer boredom where you feel too tired to do anything, without any good reason. At least with the bus you were forced to come up with something, and even when you couldn’t you could revel in the fact that you were thousands of miles from where you “should” be, and feel content. Existing in the bus is a constant sense of accomplishment. I miss that.

Especially on days like today. I did nothing today. Not even accomplished nothing, I did nothing. I’ve had days where I’ve gotten nothing done, that have been incredibly fun, entertaining and educational, but today was not one of those. Today is one of those days that drove me to follow through with the bus in the first place. I worry I’m jaded, if this is happening just days after returning.

Once I got home, I dove right into my favourite travelers’ blogs, and got the urge to go traveling again. Maybe backpacking, maybe in the bus, maybe both. I really need to be faced with something new everyday. Meeting new people, new situations. Not good that I’m feeling restless this fast. I hope daydreaming will still be able to tide me over.