It’s officially been a month since I ordered the stovepipe for the bus. The manufacturer has been behind on some parts due to an increased demand, and we’re stuck waiting. Presently, we have all but one piece in our possession. That is all that is holding back the stove installation. It’s frustrating.
I’m feeling behind in many different parts of my life. I feel old, but not experienced. I feel like I’ve missed out on something essential. There are these common cultural experiences people share that are totally foreign to me. I’ve never reveled in my role as an outsider, but I don’t enjoy the mainstream either.
I keep wondering about the hair on my head. Would I be more attractive with less or more hair on my head? My face? It grows in so slow any decision is a major commitment. As it is, it’s all so unsatisfactory. How is it I still have acne while my hair starts thinning?
I’m sure a lot of this has to do with my lack of an occupation. That’s a really appropriate word, since not only do I not have a job, I’m struggling to fill the hours during the day while waiting for this last piece of stove pipe. It’s funny how a few days of doing nothing can so easily lead to weeks of it. I keep dreaming up new projects to occupy myself, but get distracted or disinterested when I realize the scope is grander than the pipe project presently paused. I guess I’m going to keep going through phases of boom and bust.
I do miss writing like this. I frequently compose journal entries while brushing my teeth, but go to sleep never writing them. Unfortunately, I’m not usually in quite as reflective of a mood earlier in the day – this is the prime time. I’m reading Cloud Atlas at the moment, along with Nishi and the other members of our book group. It is told almost entirely through journal entries and correspondence, which has (tonight, at least) compelled me to write.
From what I can tell my fear of missing out isn’t by any means unique, and it doesn’t seem like there will be a point where I’m not familiar with it. I guess I need to learn how to live with it.
Good night.